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"A corner in the house. "

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The Instagram Team

Many happy returns of the day

Wish you all the happiness and luck this 31st year of your life :-)

Good bye, Blue Sky!!

Another phase another life
Time to lift up my wares
Move to the next fair
Like a true vagabond
Gained nothing, lost some
Chanced upon sacred earth
Though someone else’s
Committed sacrilege
Though never believed
Expected the world
Fell on my face
Another day another place
Another face another phase




Allure of solitude lies in it being perennial.

Broken

Broken into a hundred little pieces

broken hope

broken lies

broken highs

Happiness

Playing with perspectives, I lost the original one
Lost the hope of ever finding it even
and then I saw it coming back to me
like a slow motion capture
of moments gone by
I could see what it meant to be happy
I have juggled perspectives
but not lived my own
in quest to understand
I have let the experience slip by
pre-occupied with black and white
I ceased to believe in greys
I trying to be human
I forgot the essence of humanity
am happy and content for a change.

Allure of Solitude

I seem to be doing something wrong
cannot get the hang of it
perhaps too desperate for good things
perhaps a bit naive as always
I have begin to expect I guess
the evil that expectations are
was untouched by them for some time
not prepared for the invasion
"protect yourself", screams out each pore
and yet I don't heed to warning
and plunge deep into treacherous currents
I deserve it, me thinks
for forgetting my own saying

"Allure of Solitude lies in it being perennial"

Scarlet is the color of choice

scarlet were you when I saw you
scarlet were your eyes
scarlet was rage in you
scarlet was desire
scarlet was the passion
the blood that gushed was scarlet too

Barnacles, thousands of blistering barnacles !!

Sitting at Pondi seafront, I saw some stones, partially submerged in
water. They had marine growth on them. This made me think of Barnacles
and the challenge they face to the sea faring vessels. Then I
questioned myself "why the hell do you know about barnacles" and
realized I read a book marine vessel maintenance as a kid.
I used to love book fairs. But didn't have money to spend buying
books. At best I would have 5-20 INR. Russian books were the coolest
stuff I could lay my hands on.
Choice of books was not decided by interest, but by how much it costs
and how big/thick it is. A bigger book presumably had more to offer.
It was in one such fair that I picked up my book about barnacles.

Had a big grin on my face when I concluded this chain of thought.

Happy Diwali

My blog I miss thee

Nothing reminds one of the blog than a bad day. I have had my share of bad days and today was another one I could add to the list. Started normally, but then somewhere it just went downhill and I for one did not try to recover. I let the whirlwinds of misfortune engulf me and stoke my fire of discontent.

Opened up to someone, felt embarrassed about the same. Got lectured by a few, did not feel anything about it. Was mistook, but did not care,  gave it back in kind. Was rejected, felt bad, but decided not to let my guard down.

Simple asks, small expectations and none of them can be met.

Hope to have a better day tomorrow.

In search of belief

Sore with discontent
Oblivion beckons
Fade out or live long
Perhaps not an option
Choices are illusions
Life a big lie
Return to innocense
Most desired
Loath and anguish
No logic to talk about
Haze of negativity
Call it depression
Yet it is life still
No pride no prejudice
Just an unflinching death wish
Nothing to hang on to
Or so it seems
Can this all end please
Cannot watch the re-runs again
Cannot see the downward spiral
Cannot live without belief
Cannot make room for belief as well.

Animal Within

Am an animal

a pig, an ape, a wolf

satiating the instincts, is all I seek

then I wear the robe of intellect

and have a mental fuck.

Welcome 2010

White tiger

I can understand why people didn't like White Tiger. Why there was so much of criticism, you know the lieks of "this is meant for western audience" "he is selling it to the world" and such crap.

But I loved the book. It takes gumption to look into the mirror and take account of reality as it exists.

I can relate to the world of Balram, I can see his dilemmas can feel his pain and his eventual breakdown to freedom.

Only V S Naipul can be more scathing of the "Indianness" that surrounds us.

Must read I must say.

The Road

I have been reading "The Road" by Cormac McCarthy. Simply put one of the most disturbing books I have read in a long time. I am a cynic, my flavor of cynicism is "Cynical optimism", but this book stomps out any faint ray of hope I might have with regards to Humanity.

We humans are so frail and our social morality to fickle, that a single catastrophe can make all the accomplishments of human race fall like a house of cards.

There is no collective vision. We lack ideals, we are too busy surviving. When people talk about environmental issues I get pissed off, Environment is not a concern at all. Nature was there and will always be there, it will re-surface, re-mutate, re-evolve. We humans are doomed. There is no question about the impending doom. and no environment is not going to make us fall.

Let one catastrophe befall us, like a comet strike, or a foolish zealot launching a nuke, and you will see us break the thin fabric of humanity and become animals. We will rape/kill/eat each other.

No there is no hope.

Even without the catastrophe we are so close to being animals. how many liberals do you know? how many people in your circle support gay rights? how many people in your circle see religion as a propaganda? how many of you believe that humans are essentially good? How many can rise above individual concerns? Do we even believe in heroes? Is there a universal truth we all adhere to?

Freud says that eminent sense of danger makes people hypocrites. You know what, we are all hypocrites. We lie and we cheat and we loath ourselves. Or we live in oblivions.

Nothing can help us, Nothing...

Kya Haasil

kya haasil hai yun zinda rehkar

inteha ki ummeed baaki hai jo

khwaishon ko ummeed ki nazr kar

diwangi main mashroof hain hum

bemisaal hai is shehar ka manzar

har koi tanha is bheed main gum hai

dhoondta hun khud ko sare bazaar

jab ki bik chuka hai har ik zarra mera

Pink Noise at Kyra

Wet Dreams

Cityscape

Lone Flower

Cloudy Bangalore

Why not

Sometimes I seek vengeance

And I know it is easy to achieve

Am so tempted to burn the gold city

To unleash unforgiving fury

Not so much for realization to dawn

But for pure sadist pleasure of mine

To make things fair in perspective

 

But the third eye still remains shut

And  the venom stuck in the throat

Green green in CBD

In love with Bangalore

Bangalore never ceases to amaze me. This is an abandoned house on St.
Marks road. Am sure a big high rise will come up here shortly. Enjoy
it till it lasts.

Khatauli

Somewhere while crossing khatauli.

Selling water???

Let me be

Quite frankly I am tired. Of what, I don't even want to ponder. My fibromyalgia has not improved wee bit and right now am in middle of another flare up. Am tired of people who proclaim understanding, I am tired of all the phonies. Am tired of thinking about stuff that is beyond my control, and no I refuse to entertain and please anyone. Anyone at all. I am trying to be cold, so if that is what you think I have become, I am succeeding. I have had enough of unpleasant situations and people exhorting me to face them. No I refuse to be part of any stupid discussion, no matter how desperate one might feel about it. I cannot assuage people and refuse to indulge in this perversion. I live for myself and yes I am the asshole whole world warned you about. So just let me be and go burden someone else with your meaningless rhetoric.I am trying to cope with my illness and I don't rely on anyone to ease it for me, am not fishing for anything, no empathy no sympathy, not even acceptance of any sort.Just leave me alone and let me be.I don't owe anyone anything, nor do I expect anything.

Brigade Road at night.

What have you come to be

Have you had that feeling

when you wish you were gone

far away on the fluffy cloud

Have you had the want

to meet acceptance

draped in undress

have you had the need

to make love with destiny

on the golden chariots of fate

to run, to laugh, to riot

usher in the rush of the first joint

to rest, to sleep, to weep

tears surging on the first heartbreak

to leap, to dance, to live

far from what you have come to be

another sunset awaits you

what you seek, doesn’t exist

why then the quest

go back and lie down now

stop searching the horizon

like a man possessed

why let the ghosts haunt

they are but ghosts

why feel sad and hurt

it was written all over from start

another day another place

another sunset awaits you

keep your wits together till then

walk on and play on till then